Showing posts from May, 2010

Star Trek by the Minute 105: SPAAAHHHK!!!

On the Narada, Nero continues to strangle Kirk with his bare hands (a pretty inefficient way to wipe out an entire species) but I suppose you have to start somewhere…  An announcer comes on loudspeakers to announce, finally: “Captain Nero, the Vulcan ship has been taken – the drill has been destroyed.”  Apparently, this is some kind of excuse for Nero NOT to kill Kirk while he has the chance, just like he didn’t kill Spock prime, didn’t make Spock prime “watch” Vulcan’s destruction, didn’t kill nuSpock, nuKirk, nuPike, or destroy the Abramsprise when he had the opportunity for those things.
Instead of finally killing Kirk, he RELEASES Kirk in order to yell at nothing: “SPAAAHHHK!!!  SPAAAHHHK!!!”  before jumping  down 20 meters and just ignoring the would-be Federation commando to recover his strength and escape.  Apparently, having a useless chat with a young Vulcan takes priority, but we can ignore Nero’s inexplicable actions if we wave our hands and say “He’s insane from grief…”

Star Trek by the Minute 104: Gate Crasher

As Spock is piloting the tiny little Jellyfish science vessel unopposed through the gaping void of the Narada, he approaches an entry door and starts firing at it.  Perhaps everyone on the Narada had been relaxing in the middle of the annihilation of the Federation home planet, but surely a spaceship battle, with firing and explosions INSIDE the vessel would get someone’s attention?  Nope! 

This hull, made of a super strong, unknown material, has only been apparently penetrated by ramming, and then only once, three decades ago.  The most recent attacks against the Narada by large Klingon attack fleets, Earth’s planetary defenses, and everything from the Federation’s most powerful starships were like rain off a duck’s back, if that.  Suddenly, a one-man science vessel without any apparent shields is able to confidently crash window-first through the previously impenetrable exoskeleton.  Spock doesn’t scan to determine whether he is on a suicide plunge to his death, nor does he even sl…

Star Trek by the Minute 103: I Know Your Face

Aimlessly wandering around in the tunnels, it takes Kirk all of 15 seconds to run into Nero and Ayel, and it seems: completely by chance.  He tells Nero: “Nero, order your men to disable the drill or I will...aaaaauuuugggghhh!” Yelling as Ayel steps from the shadows and smashes Kirk’s skull with a rifle butt, knocking him to the deck, senseless, and his phaser slides off the platform. In this overhead shot of Nero running toward Kirk, we see that the Narada is comparable in size to the Grand Canyon, and yet Kirk and Spock just happened to beam in right next to the Jellyfish, then Kirk just happens to run into Nero and Ayel.  One wonders if he’ll just happen to run into Pike for a rescue with the same kind of coincidences we have been shown all along, like Kirk just happened to be marooned on Delta Vega, then saved by a monster a split second before being eaten, falling off a cliff a split second before being eaten a second time, running blind right into a snow cave shelter a split seco…

Star Trek by the Minute 102: It’ll Work

In this segment, and especially in this screenshot Kirk seems to show some feelings for his former Captain, watch out Uhura!  Spock may ultimately decide to cross a line with Kirk...
"Something tells me I already have," responds Spock with great double-entendre potential, however in this case he is responding to Kirk's earlier question.  Unfortunately here again he contradicts himself and a basic premise of the film explained earlier on the Enterprise Bridge by Spock himself: that a new timeline has been created - a new, alternate universe is unfolding in which actions and experiences of individuals cannot be predicted based on what would have happened in the future of the original timeline. See:

While his dialogue was perhaps meant to be amusing, for the attentive viewer it's simply more nonsensical inconsistency.  Unfortunately, even if this reassurance did not contradict prior explan…

Star Trek by the Minute 101: On Their Own

As this segment opens, nUhura is sprinting flat out through the Enterprise corridors from somewhere, twisting around corners and yelling for people to get out of her way.  After the doors whoosh open, she walks onto the Bridge, where Chekov reports: “They have activated the drill.” 
Uhura says “Communication and transporter are inoperative. Sulu, please tell me you have them, otherwise we won’t be able to beam them back.”  The first question is: why isn’t Uhura at her assigned post on the Bridge monitoring communications from the com station there as she was assigned by Captain Pike, and where she should be?  Wouldn’t the Bridge be the place for this kind of activity?  Second: How did she learn of the secondary effects of the drill activation so soon?  The Bridge staff is monitoring the Narada, its drill, and presumably is on Red Alert.  How is it that she can detect the communications loss, deduce the cause and verify the transporter functionality, then leave her post, run at a break…

Star Trek by the Minute 100: I Gotcha

The phaser battle continues with one Romulan after another dropping in flames, until we see a new gadget in phaser technology as Kirk switches his weapon from "red-kill" to "blue-stun", and with a smirking shot, (perhaps his leering is at the thought of his victim's upcoming telepathic rape at the hand and mind of Spock?) takes down yet another Romulan crewman with yet another perfect shot.
Spock approaches and in reply to Kirk's promise "I'll cover ya" asks: "Are you certain?"  With a decent Sarah Palin impression, Kirk affirms: "Yeah, I gotcha."

I like the idea of building coordination of their actions for a great, long term partnership but this near telepathic matching of their actions and intent on how to proceed is too sudden, has no explanation, and is completely inappropriate given their previously discussed plan.  The purpose in Spock being aboard the Narada was claimed that he would be able to access the computers g…

Star Trek by the Minute 099: Phaser Kicks

Kirk and Spock arrive in a place never before seen in the entertainment industry: a cavernous lair full of vile and dangerous henchmen of the evil mastermind bent on domination and destruction.  Just kidding, it was old even before James Bond visited Crab Key, yet suddenly and without explanation, these Romulans stop speaking the perfect English they have been up til now.
This observation, however, is just to delay discussion of the depressingly predictable shootout which follows – with our heroes evading every shot fired at them while simultaneously showing flawless marksmanship despite running blindly in the absence of any situational awareness, leaping around poorly-lit platforms without any destination in mind, and breathing some alien atmosphere.  One by one, their opponents get reliably phasered to writhing oblivion, despite have spent every day for many years on these decks, in other words: they are as completely helpless to defend their home turf, with their vastly superior wea…